Staring At Blanks

Pushing out of of writer’s block

To find the time to sit down and write is most of the challenge for me. Often, when I’m writing these little notes that I then share with y’all, I’m mostly unsure what I’m writing until I come to the final point. Sure, I have a general outline of what I will be trying to convey, but even that is likely to change within only a few sentences. Yet, for the past few days, in the few moments I’ve found to really sit down and write in any substantive way, I’ve been choking. I guess that’s writer's block. 

Now, for me, these impasses are often short. Usually they stem from an uncertainty of what to say, or a lingering self doubt that there is little worth to what I’m saying. We’ve heard these before, as writers, artists, or just people in general because writers never shut up and artists often enjoy talking about their process. So I’ve been sitting here, in a moment not unusual to me, wondering if anyone will even want to read about my little life in the scheme of things, and if sharing that life is important at all. And yes, this moment of writer’s block is normal, maybe part of the process of creativity, but for me this moment is distinct in one key way.

I have so many stories I want to write.

What’s odd is that all of this began last week when I sat down to scribble out something for this newsletter, and I thought of everything I wanted to write, all that I wanted to convey, and it was just so much, and not enough time. There were ideas about Palestine that I’ve been mulling over, about freshwater and seawater, about fishing, and ancient olive trees. There was another one about AI and rich people with allegedly good and big ideas. I even had a couple on the craft of writing. The list, when I look at it, is daunting. Nearly two dozen ideas, all of which are time sensitive. And I just don’t have the time to do many of them justice. And so, I’ve become frozen, unsure where to begin, and which would be the best, for many reasons, to read about and write first. 

All of this, then, has led me here, to another newsletter, just checking in and saying hey. It’s a funny round about way I’ve found over the years to trick myself into writing something, the something usually being a short little note on how difficult it is to put things down on paper or screen. And look at that, a little over four hundred words in and I’ve even forgotten how much trouble I had writing this thing.

It makes sense that when we have more to share, more we feel the urge to create, how that can backfire and leave us frozen. We want to create, whatever it is, and create it well. We don’t want to look back at what we made and say oof to ourselves, let alone wish to hear it from others. And so, instead of just doing the work, accepting that in the future we might feel embarrassed by it, or that someone else will think it’s bad in the moment, we freeze. 

But trust me, it’s better to do the work, to put it out, and be slightly embarrassed, then sleep on the things you truly love to do. And if you’re stuck, maybe the best thing to do is accept that, and say it. At some point you’ll realize that you’ve tricked yourself. And without realizing it you’re writing, or painting, or taking photos again. You might not even know that in the end, you’ve tricked yourself into writing, and that that was the final point you didn’t know you were coming to from the start.